The Waffle Boat

I was hanging out with some friends the other day and one of my friends had the brilliant idea to build a boat out of waffles and eat the entire thing.  

So I decided to draw a waffle boat.  

I know it's been a while but I've been busy with school and such.  I'll have another longer post coming out soon hopefully.  It'll be a fantastic post that will earn me bajillions!!

How to ruin your day within 30 minutes of waking up

I woke up this morning and began my usual routine.  It always goes the same: wake up, thrash around for 20 minutes, roll out of bed, avoid the mirror (in sheer horror of what I might look like), and go make breakfast.

This morning I decided to make toast for breakfast.  I love toast, as do many people, and I got excited.  TODAY THERE WAS TO BE TOAST! 

I carefully selected my bread (a crucial step in the pursuit of toasty perfection).  This particular day I chose my father's homemade bread.  He had made several loaves for the holiday season and we luckily had some leftover.  It was going to be epic.

I placed the bread in the toaster and patiently waited, my mouth watering at the experience ahead.

Now I don't know about y'all but I like to heavily butter my toast.  I'm talking like butter-orgy style.  That's right: my mouth has a flavor orgy with butter every time I make toast.  Be jealous.

Now even in my excited state I'm not the most attentive person in the morning.  I quickly let the early morning rants of sports shows get the best of my ADD.  Something was amiss.  I had forgotten about the toast!

I quickly went to retrieve my breakfast, and it was immediately clear that I had failed.  My toast was not the golden-brown perfection I was aiming for.  It instead glistened a nice shade of charcoal black.

Now many of you at this point are probably thinking, "Why doesn't the retard just set his toaster to a certain setting? That will solve the problem!"

Obviously you have never done business with my toaster.  This is by far the most vile, evil toaster I have ever encountered.  No matter what setting it's on, it always burns whatever is in there.  I have thus concluded that I somehow bought the toaster that was supposed to be sent to satan.

While my initial reaction was confusion, my next stage of failure was sadness.  I would then have to make breakfast all over again and thus my entire morning routine would be thrown off.  Thanks a lot, demon-toaster.

Look for a post to come in the near future about uncommon uses for burnt toast.  Since making it this morning I decided to turn this situation around and use the once condemned mistake in useful ways.  

**Also, while describing the toast earlier, I got a craving for toast and went to make some.  I burnt it again.  Damn you demon-toaster, damn you to HELL!!**

Working 2 days before Christmas, the unspoken nightmare

I work at an electronics store when I'm home from school. I don't want to get into any trouble for naming names so I'll call it Superb Purchase. Now at Superb Purchase I normally work as a salesman, putting myself in the line of shoppers everywhere to explain things to customers and help them make the best decision on what to buy.

But two days ago, which was two days before Christmas, I was called on my day off and asked if I could work an 8-hour closing shift as a cashier. This is a task of which I am capable, but I really try to avoid such situations. Being full of holiday cheer and all that malarky I decided to go ahead and cover for whoever called in sick.

Now I don't know who that person is. Nor do I ever want to find out, in fear of committing homicide. If you have never worked as a cashier during the holiday season, it's much like being kicked in the gonads by each of Santa's elves, one after another, without pause. Or would they punch because they are so short? I dunno; long story short, it's like a constant flow of strikes to your gonads.

I understand that this is a stressful time for shoppers because it's the last minute rush to get that useless thing everyone wants under the tree. But let's get one thing straight here people, it's 2 effing days before Christmas. If you cannot find that hot new item at the most popular electronics store in town, I can tell you why: You waited too long.

I know this seems harsh but let's face it, the song might be "12 Days of Christmas" but we all know it starts as soon as we pass our last Thanksgiving B.M..

So back to the story at hand here.

I now have newfound respect for cashiers who work during this season at retail stores. You are truly American heroes. People can be very mean when they fail to find the item they were looking for. And who better to take that stress out on than the cashier? They stand behind the counter with nowhere to run, plus they have to be nice to you. They're like the ultimate punching bag!

I was working the register at Superb Purchase and I was asked within the first 10 minutes of me being there why some item was not free. I'm not making this up, free.

And this wasn't just any useless item the human asked me about, it was an expensive useless item. However this human believed that because she had to run around town trying to find it, it should be free.

Who can argue with that logic?

Merry Christmas from The Blabbering Goatsicle!

Subscribe to this blog because I'm funny and I want to be a star.

So there's really no point in me making this blog. I'm just a poor college student who, instead of asking the First Bank of Mom and Dad for money, decided to make this in a desperate attempt to acquire something that resembles wealth. Now that I've been completely honest with you, let the chaos begin!

I am the Blabbering Goatsicle. This is not my real name however I think it sums me up pretty well.

This will be a place where humor rules with an iron fist and nothing should be taken seriously. I will write about real events that happened to me, and they will hopefully be funny and give you an experience of pure pleasure and ecstasy. Enjoy.