This morning I decided to make toast for breakfast. I love toast, as do many people, and I got excited. TODAY THERE WAS TO BE TOAST!
I carefully selected my bread (a crucial step in the pursuit of toasty perfection). This particular day I chose my father's homemade bread. He had made several loaves for the holiday season and we luckily had some leftover. It was going to be epic.
I placed the bread in the toaster and patiently waited, my mouth watering at the experience ahead.
Now I don't know about y'all but I like to heavily butter my toast. I'm talking like butter-orgy style. That's right: my mouth has a flavor orgy with butter every time I make toast. Be jealous.
Now even in my excited state I'm not the most attentive person in the morning. I quickly let the early morning rants of sports shows get the best of my ADD. Something was amiss. I had forgotten about the toast!
I quickly went to retrieve my breakfast, and it was immediately clear that I had failed. My toast was not the golden-brown perfection I was aiming for. It instead glistened a nice shade of charcoal black.
Now many of you at this point are probably thinking, "Why doesn't the retard just set his toaster to a certain setting? That will solve the problem!"
Obviously you have never done business with my toaster. This is by far the most vile, evil toaster I have ever encountered. No matter what setting it's on, it always burns whatever is in there. I have thus concluded that I somehow bought the toaster that was supposed to be sent to satan.
While my initial reaction was confusion, my next stage of failure was sadness. I would then have to make breakfast all over again and thus my entire morning routine would be thrown off. Thanks a lot, demon-toaster.
Look for a post to come in the near future about uncommon uses for burnt toast. Since making it this morning I decided to turn this situation around and use the once condemned mistake in useful ways.
**Also, while describing the toast earlier, I got a craving for toast and went to make some. I burnt it again. Damn you demon-toaster, damn you to HELL!!**
